How do you get the Mountaintop Experience?

You have to climb the mountain.  Read more in my article posted to the Operation Us website, Straight Talk from Real Dads. 

Find the article at this link:  Climbing Mountains article on the Operation Us webpage.

Happy Earth Day

Earth Day Predictions from the first Earth Day in 1970

(compiled by Neal Boortz)

"We have about five more years at the outside to do something."
Kenneth Watt, ecologist

"Civilization will end within 15 or 30 years unless immediate action is taken against problems facing mankind."
George Wald, Harvard Biologist

"We are in an environmental crisis which threatens the survival of this nation, and of the world as a suitable place of human habitation."
Barry Commoner, Washington University biologist

"Man must stop pollution and conserve his resources, not merely to enhance existence but to save the race from intolerable deterioration and possible extinction."
New York Times editorial, the day after the first Earth Day

"Population will inevitably and completely outstrip whatever small increases in food supplies we make. The death rate will increase until at least 100-200 million people per year will be starving to death during the next ten years."
Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

"By...[1975] some experts feel that food shortages will have escalated the present level of world hunger and starvation into famines of unbelievable proportions. Other experts, more optimistic, think the ultimate food-population collision will not occur until the decade of the 1980s."
Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

"It is already too late to avoid mass starvation."
Denis Hayes, chief organizer for Earth Day

"Demographers agree almost unanimously on the following grim timetable: by 1975 widespread famines will begin in India; these will spread by 1990 to include all of India, Pakistan, China and the Near East, Africa. By the year 2000, or conceivably sooner, South and Central America will exist under famine conditions....By the year 2000, thirty years from now, the entire world, with the exception of Western Europe, North America, and Australia, will be in famine."
Peter Gunter, professor, North Texas State University

"Scientists have solid experimental and theoretical evidence to support...the following predictions: In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution...by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching earth by one half...."
Life Magazine, January 1970

"At the present rate of nitrogen buildup, it's only a matter of time before light will be filtered out of the atmosphere and none of our land will be usable."
Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

"Air pollution...is certainly going to take hundreds of thousands of lives in the next few years alone."
Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

"We are prospecting for the very last of our resources and using up the nonrenewable things many times faster than we are finding new ones."
Martin Litton, Sierra Club director

"By the year 2000, if present trends continue, we will be using up crude oil at such a rate...that there won't be any more crude oil. You'll drive up to the pump and say, `Fill 'er up, buddy,' and he'll say, `I am very sorry, there isn't any.'"
Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

"Dr. S. Dillon Ripley, secretary of the Smithsonian Institute, believes that in 25 years, somewhere between 75 and 80 percent of all the species of living animals will be extinct."
Sen. Gaylord Nelson

"The world has been chilling sharply for about twenty years. If present trends continue, the world will be about four degrees colder for the global mean temperature in 1990, but eleven degrees colder in the year 2000. This is about twice what it would take to put us into an ice age."
Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

Communication Trap #4: Withdrawal and Avoidance

To wrap up the "communication trap" thread, the number four communication practice to avoid is Withdrawal and Avoidance. That's right, I'm saying you should avoid avoidance. This behavior often follows an escalation or invalidation incident. It is the classic passive-aggressive response: just avoid the individual that is causing you problems (see Traps #1 and #3). If you don't interact, you can't argue, right?

The whole problem with this behavior is that it doesn't do anything to solve the problem or improve the situation. It just keeps everything in a state of suspended animation, with no resolution. This behavior can put an organization into gridlock, slowing performance to a crawl, suffocating innovation and creativity.

What is the solution to withdrawal and avoidance? First, recognition that there can be no progress without resolution of the issue. Putting off the resolution only delays the time until improvement can occur. Most people don't want to hurt improvement and progress. Often just the recognition that the organization (and your own peace-of-mind) will be better served by action rather than by inaction is enough to allow you to overcome your desire to crawl into a hole and allow you to face up to the conflict.

Second, you must actually discuss the undesirable behavior with your protagonist. After escalation or invalidation a short emotional cooling-off period is often required, but don't wait too long to get the subject on the table, discussed and dealt with. If you find it hard to start the conversation, it can be helpful to acknowledge your feelings, e.g. "This is hard for me to say, but I think it is important that we discuss this. I am uncomfortable leaving it buried. I think we should talk about it for the benefit of the organization."

You will be amazed at how often the other party follows such an introduction with an apology of their own. This clears the air and lets you get back to work on making things better.

Good Dads Don't Do Nothing

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.- Edmund Burke

I am reading these words at the bottom of an email from my 24 year-old son. He uses this message as part of his email “signature”. He also uses it as his voicemail message on his cell phone. Instead of saying "this is Jason, leave a message" he says, "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil…” etcetera, and today I'm reading it as if for the first time, and wondering, just how did it get there?

Since when did he become so principled? Is this the same young man who couldn't be “persuaded” (read that as forced) to clean his room, who didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, who was afraid to take off his training wheels and ride his bike? Perhaps I need to adjust the way in which I look at my son.

I have had several of these moments in the last few years, moments in which my world was turned upside down, or at least skewed, in a good way. These were times when my expectations weren't met . . . but they were surpassed, times when I found myself learning from my son, instead of the other way around. And as a Dad it feels good, very good, to have finally arrived at that point.

My oldest son serves in the U.S. Navy with responsibility for maneuvering a ship that is 600' long. I had a chance to visit the ship as it was being brought into port, and it struck me that although I still get nervous when he asks to borrow the family car, the Navy is entirely comfortable asking him and a bunch of his twenty-something peers to drive this billion-dollar ship. Maybe its time for me to rethink our roles and let go a little. Or let go a lot.

Another son now in college has an incredible knowledge of religious studies that I can never attain. Is this the same kid that I could not motivate to get out of bed for church?

Even my high-school-age son is coaching me on my jogging stride and teaching me new licks on the guitar.

All this is to say that my three sons, as hard as they have been to raise, are now beginning to bear their own fruit and it’s wonderful to watch. At the time when you are surrounded by dirty diapers and stuffed animals things can get pretty discouraging. You may wonder if your kids hear a word of what you are saying, and if anything will ever make a difference, but if you just hang with it through all the tough toddler-to-teenage years you might find that your kids will emerge in their twenties to surprise you in the most delightful way.

So stick with it. Keep on parenting. Don’t give up the fight. If I may plagiarize Edmund Burke, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good Dads to do nothing.”

This article originally appeared on Operation Us.  They offer marriage and relationship skills education resources.  You can read more at this link (click here).

Communication Trap #3: Escalation

Ok, here is where it gets really interesting. So far we've been pretty much passive-aggressive, talking about invalidation and negative interpretation. Escalation is anything but passive. Escalation is where we really get to vent our feelings, to let it all hang out, to tell 'em what we think, to give 'em a piece of our mind; after all, don't we deserve it? And shouldn't we be honest about our feelings?

In escalation, each party responds more strongly than the other, upping the emotional ante, usually until someone is yelling or screaming or crying or premeditating murder.

"You left the extension cable in the doorway again."

"Why are little things so important to you? Just put it back." (an dash of invalidation here)

"Are you too lazy to do it?" (slipping in a little negative interpretation in the mix)

"Listen, you are always riding me about stupid trivial stuff. I'm not going to do it. What are you going to do about it, fire me?" (in this example of extreme insubordination, the answer might be yes)


Consider the alternative to escalation.


"You left the extension cable in the doorway again."

"Why are little things so important to you? Just put it back." (an dash of invalidation here)

"Things like that ARE important to me, because I feel like housekeeping reflects on all of us." (validating their comment and trying to explain the reasons for it)

"Ok, I'm sorry that I was so short with you. I'll try to keep things more organized."

When you sense escalation beginning, try to soften your tone, acknowledge the other person's feelings, and offer some humility . Humility is not an attribute that we often celebrate in America. Our heroes are supposed to be strong and forceful. But a small dash of humility can go a long way towards better workplace relations.

And it works pretty well at home, too.