Thursday, October 27, 2011

You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello


This Beatles’ song is in my mind, because on November 14 I will start a new role at an Arkansas energy company.

As I leave my existing position in Missouri it seems as if I’m saying goodbye to many friends, but this is just an illusion.  It’s more of a farewell than a goodbye, or even better it’s “until we meet again.”

As I say hello to Arkansas I am eager to make new friends, and this shouldn’t be too hard, since everyone I’ve met so far has been incredibly friendly and warm. Hello, Arkansas, it’s nice to meet you!

A close friend asked me, “Why are you doing this? For your ego or for the money?”

Now don’t get me wrong, ego and money are great motivators, but they aren’t the key to long-term satisfaction. So why move then, why challenge myself, why not just coast to retirement?

In the 10th century BC, King Solomon said, “a man can do nothing better than to eat, and drink, and take satisfaction in his work.” That’s why I’m doing this --- to take satisfaction in my work.

As I start this new position, it’s all about possibility. New friends. New opportunities. New ways to serve. It’s a thrill to consider how the next few years will develop.

So hello/goodbye/hello/goodbye. I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Today: A Day You've Never Lived Before!

Paul Simon has a song about the birth of a new child. In a beautiful refrain he sings:

“[he’s] never been lonely, never been lied to, never had to scuffle in fear,
nothing denied to, born at the instant the church bells chime,
and the whole world whispering, born at the right time.”

That’s how I’m feeling today. Optimistic. Born at the right time.

Bob Prosen said, “at the beginning of the day, it’s all about possibilities. At the end of the day, it’s all about results.” One could paraphrase that to say, at the beginning of a life, it’s all about possibility. At the end of a life, it’s all about results. That’s how the world looks at it, isn’t it? Deliver or die.

When we see a new baby, it’s like Paul Simon’s song. The child has a new life before her. She has never felt disappointment, or had a bad day, or complained about her boss. Her life has the possibility to be perfect.

Before too long the pressure of the real world bears down on all of us, demanding results. We fail. We recognize that our dream of a perfect life is not going to happen. We become pessimistic, and if our outlook is negative, it’s going to rub off on our friends, family, and coworkers.  Who wants that?

Last Sunday in my church a visiting pastor from a foreign country offered an observation in somewhat broken English. He said, with an air of optimism, “Remember, today is a day that you’ve never lived before.” I started thinking about that statement and it really connected with me. Today really is a day that I’ve never lived before. I can look back on my life and remember several incredibly memorable, fantastic days that stand out, days that I’ll never forget. Wonderful days that I never want to forget. And I thought, maybe today, a unique day of possibility that I’ve never lived before, is going to end as one of those days that I’ll remember the rest of my life, a fantastic day that I’ll never want to forget. Why not?

I know that today may seem like just another ordinary day to you, but imagine the possibility of what could happen in the next few hours. Can you imagine that today could end so well that you would want to remember it for the rest of your life? Now, with that in mind, I want to ask you, what could YOU do to make that a reality? Could your behavior in the next few hours make a difference, possibly influence the outcome of this otherwise ordinary day?

Keep this in mind as you interact with your kids and colleagues today. Lift them up and maintain a positive outlook. After all, today just might be the best day of your life, a day that you’ll never forget.

Today is a day that you’ve never lived before, and you’ll never live again. Make it a great one for you and your friends.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Breaking Up



When I was a young man I didn’t understand the nuances of relationships. Really, I was pretty clueless. Over the years I made a lot of mistakes and got a lot of advice, some good and some bad. Despite all this well-intended advice I was somehow able to meet the love of my life, and she has stuck with me for an amazing 29 years of trial-and-error. Now that I am older (much older) I’d like to think that I’ve learned a thing or two about the games people play.

Which is what makes it so hard when you see your teenage and early 20’s children struggling with relationship issues.

Over the last several years I’ve watched my sons riding high on the wave of romance, a dance in their step, a wink in their eye, and a joy for life, all because a new girl has appeared in their life. In contrast to this I’ve watched in agony as they struggle through breakups. It is painful for them and painful for me. What I really wish is that they would just let me run their life; tell them what to do. That would solve everything, wouldn’t it? I could just use my great experience from a lifetime of relationship struggles to offer some guidance and straighten things out.

But it doesn’t work that way. It seems that every generation has to work this out on their own. To paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., is it necessary that darkness exist, just to demonstrate the beauty of light? Perhaps we have to experience the pain of the breakup before we can fully enjoy the delight of commitment.

So here’s to all young people everywhere who are struggling with relationships, and to their parents who care enough to try and offer their advice. May we learn to listen to each other.

(This article appeared in the Operation Us newsletter.  You can view more articles by me and other Dads at http://www.operationus.org/library/articles/straighttalk.html.)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Special books, "Highley" recommended



My friend Cindy Blackmore has published two books documenting her and her husband's spiritual journey, following a bicycle accident that left him completely paralyzed and dependent on a ventilator. You might think this is a tale of woe, but quite the opposite.  This second book is a compilation of the emails that she shared with her friends and family throughout their life together.  Both will lift you up much more than you can imagine.

Check out the youtube promotional videos here:
Remember to Laugh Youtube video
The Journal of Our Journey Youtube Video

You can order her books here:
Remember to Laugh Xulon Press Order Site
The Journal of our Journey Xulon Press Order Site

I had a special rememberance of her husband posted previously in this blog.  You can read it here:
Remembering Doc Blackmore

Thursday, March 3, 2011

What's the optimal size for a decision-making group?

Recent research discussed in Harvard Business Review suggests the optimal size for a decision-making group is seven.  Each additional member added above seven decreased the group's decision-making effectiveness by 10%.  Mathematically think 0.9^(x-7) for x>7.

Jesus had 12 disciples, but I'm not sure they count as a decision-making body.  And I'm not about to question the plan.

My comany has a 12-member board of directors.  I'm not questioning that wisdom either.  But might their decisions be only 59% of their potential?  That's almost like having half your brain tied behind your back!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Saying Goodbye


My latest "Straight Talk from Real Dads" article for the Operation Us newsletter is out.  This one talks about helping your children say goodbye to loved ones as they face the end of their life on earth.  I wrote it based on my experience saying goodbye to my mother in her final hours.

You can read it at this link: Saying Goodbye

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Thank God for Problems


As a manager, a leader, a mother or father, you may tire of the continual problems that come along with the job.  Some days it seems that that is all you hear about; how this organization (or family) has changed for the worse, and all the problems we are facing.  At the end of the day it can be exhausting.

In some ways this is the curse of leadership.  Think about it; in a reasonably well-run organization, there are not enough hours in the day to report on everything that is going right.  "Fuel arrived on time today."  "We didn't hear any employee grievances today."  "Twenty-seven bids came in under budget today."   These are statements that you will not hear, and you probably really don't want to spend time with.

By default, in your job or leadership role you are only going to hear about exceptions, inconsistencies.  There is no need to spend your time dwelling on the unexceptional examples of great performance that abound around you.

The more people you have working with you in an organization, the worse this problem becomes.  As your responsibilities increase, you will spend more and more time dealing with increasingly bigger exceptions, inconsistencies, and problems.  You should thank God for this.  The fact that the problems are being identified is a good thing; without that you could not begin to work on them or improve them.  Now you can use your intellect to find solutions:  organizational structural improvements, procedural improvements, and seeking changes in people's skills and the ever-elusive cultural change.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Dad Advice posted - from Home Movies to Moving Out

We have shot home movies of our kids for years. And for years we haven't been watching them.

You know how it is. Your kids are small, growing up, and you're busy with basketball games and PTA meetings and scouting and running errands and doctor appointments and playing with the dog and every now and then if you do get a little free time you discover that the way you'd really like to spend it is to sleep! But there is definitely no time for watching old videos of your kids. Plus, who likes to see themselves in those things? No one, that's who. My voice sounds weird! I look fat! Is my bald spot REALLY that big? The camera must be lying.

But put those videos away for ten or twenty years, and they take on a new, almost magical quality. Now I know why we took them. So they could make us humble. So they could inspire us. So they could remind us of how small our problems are today, how good we have it now, and how hard it was then when we were raising four little ones. Someone was always screaming! Someone was always crying! And we all looked so young and virile.

Read the rest of this article on the Operation Us website.  See it here (click link).


For the parents of young adults, there are two types of moving-away-from-home events: the sad-beginning, and the happy-ending. The sad-beginning occurs when the youth leaves home for the first time. Lots of tears and anxiety accompany this departure. After a few weeks the parents realize that they can function without the young adult and the young adult thinks ditto. This event precedes the happy-ending moving-away event, which may not occur for several years. This is when the parents decide that the youth has established their own household and can finally take responsibility for all that stuff they left behind. And that is the event that my wife and I are celebrating this weekend. When I was young I couldn't understand the look on my parents' faces when they visited my house one afternoon with a carload of my former junk from their basement. They were beaming with joy. "Here is your stuff," they declared. Wait a minute, I thought, I don't have room for all this stuff. Can't you just keep it for a while longer? Don't you have plenty of room in that big house of yours?

Read the rest of this article on the Operation Us website.  You can see it here (click link).